Not all perpetrators use violence or the threat of force to get children to have sex with them.  Many perpetrators use existing relationships with children, or try to build affectionate relationships with children, in order to manipulate them into sex.  This process is sometimes called ‘grooming’ or ‘coercion’.

 

Within families, parents or other adults can use a child’s desire for love and affection to create a bond with the child.  Within institutions, carers, teachers or priests may single out children for ‘special friendships’ and give them time, affection and gifts.  

 

Many aspects of these relationships can give the child a great deal of happiness.  It is even possible that the adults themselves feel love and affection for the child, while at the same time using them for their own sexual gratification – there is no limit to the amount of self-justification some people use.

 

These adults will later usually persuade, bribe or threaten children to keep the secret of the abuse. They will encourage children to think they are protecting their families by staying quiet. 

Perpetrators will also try to convince the child that the abuse is the child’s fault.

 

The betrayal of bonds of affection and trust is one of the most painful aspects of child sexual abuse. Boys are taught to respect and trust adults and it hard for them to understand how someone who seems to be a good person can do bad things.  

 

Child abuse creates enormous confusion in children which may remain into adulthood.  Survivors may have conflicting feelings about perpetrators – they might feel both love and hatred for their abusers.  Working out the psychological entanglements of relationships of betrayal is one of the most important and difficult aspects of recovery. Contact us on 02 6247 2525 for more information.